Mindset in Motion

My story is a common one among the late-diagnosed neurodivergent. I spent decades blending in—well enough to avoid detection, but never without cost. With a mix of stubbornness and relentless perseverance, I learned to mimic what others did naturally. I forced eye contact. I studied social cues like a second language. I mirrored behaviors I didn’t understand, like small talk or casual banter, because they seemed to matter so much to everyone else. But inside, I felt like an outsider. Like an alien in disguise, observing human behavior and trying to pass as one of them. I didn’t know there were others like me. I didn’t know I wasn’t alone. The Breaking Point For years, I believed I just had to work harder. Twice as hard, in fact, to get the same results as everyone else. And for a while, I managed. I built a life—marriage, three kids, a full-time job. But eventually, the mask began to slip. I was exhausted. I felt like I was failing at everything. At work, I was struggling in ways I...

 I often find myself planning projects… but not starting them. And the few I do start? They tend to stall around the three-quarter mark, lingering unfinished. Why does this happen? Time to turn to the Theory of Mindsets (TOM). I recently wrote about procrastination, and the same dynamic seems to be at play here. When I’m in a Knowledge-Based Mindset , my brain is busy—but not with action. It’s full of ideas, plans, and mental rehearsals. But getting out of the chair? That takes physical effort. I have to psych myself up, sometimes giving myself a countdown just to move. Motivation often comes from fear—like the thought of a guest seeing my messy house. That fear nudges me toward a Survival-Based Mindset , where urgency sparks physical action. But then… why do I stop before the job is done? Maybe I pick up clutter and take out the trash, but I don’t vacuum or dust the cobwebs. I either get distracted by another task or slip back into inaction before the job is truly done. Why? ...

Some mindset shifts happen naturally. Others require force. And sometimes, that force comes in the form of chemistry. This post isn’t about judgment. It’s about mapping. Because when we understand the terrain of our inner world, we can make more conscious choices about how we move through it. 🧠 Why We Medicate: The Need for a Different Mindset Most people don’t wake up thinking, “I want to alter my brain chemistry today.” But they do wake up feeling stuck, overwhelmed, disconnected, or unsafe. And in those moments, the desire to shift out of a Survival-Based Mindset becomes urgent. • Alcohol is often used to lower inhibition, quiet the inner critic, and relax the nervous system. It’s a shortcut to feeling socially safe and escape the Survival-based mindset— even if the cost is clarity or control. • ADHD medications like stimulants increase dopamine and norepinephrine, helping override executive dysfunction and emotional dysregulation. They don’t just help with focus — they help escap...

  Sometimes, our mindset feels like it’s working against us—especially in moments that matter. Recently, I gave a presentation to my co-workers. I knew the material. I was prepared. But as I stood in front of the room, something deeper took over. My unconscious fear of rejection and judgment triggered a wave of emotion, and my brain responded by shifting into an extreme Survival-Based Mindset . This wasn’t the helpful kind of survival alertness that sharpens focus and fuels performance. It was the kind that hijacks clarity. My heart pounded. My voice shook. I found myself reading directly from the slides, unable to access conscious thought. I wasn’t in danger, but my brain didn’t know that yet. As the presentation continued, something shifted. My mind began to recognize safety. I felt more grounded and gradually moved into a more balanced mindset. In fact, I may have overcorrected—slipping into a Knowledge-Based Mindset. I became overly comfortable and started answering questions w...

The proper response to “Good morning” is “Good morning.” If it’s followed by “How was your weekend?” you’re expected to reply with something pleasant and brief—“Great! We visited my parents,” or something similarly light. We all know the ritual. It’s automatic, surface-level, and emotionally safe. Small talk. The staple of the Survival-Based (SB) Mindset —a mindset wired to scan for mental threats and social danger. Small talk is considered the socially acceptable way to “get to know someone,” which is ironic, given how little personal information is actually exchanged. If someone responds with a long, detailed story—or worse, something negative—it’s often frowned upon. Why? Because that’s not what’s expected. When people stick to the ritual, it signals that they follow social norms. And social norms act as subconscious safety cues: “I’m like you.” Our brains associate sameness with safety. Those who seem different—through dress, accent, or behavior—may carry different perceived...

 Walking down the hall one night, I caught movement in the shadows of the dark living room. I thought I was alone. I froze. Ten seconds passed. Nothing moved. I relaxed and took a step—then saw it again. Movement. I froze once more. This pattern repeated: relax, movement, freeze. Until finally, someone stepped into the light. It was my sister, coming downstairs for a drink. We both laughed afterward, but the moment was revealing. Why did she move so strangely? Why did I freeze so completely? Turns out, she was reacting to me . When she saw the look on my face—wide-eyed, frozen—it scared her. So she froze. Then when I relaxed, she started moving again… only to see me freeze once more, which made her freeze again. We were mirroring each other’s fear, locked in a loop of mutual hesitation. 🧠 Beyond Fight or Flight: The Freeze Response and Mindset Theory Most people are familiar with the “fight or flight” response when facing perceived danger. These reactions stem from the Surviv...

That crisp, clean breeze signaling the end of summer has arrived. This week brought the annual ritual of digging through closets for my kids’ jackets before school. Some people dread this shift—especially here in the Midwest—anticipating the cold months ahead. But I’ve always loved the fall. Those cooler months ending in “-ber” don’t just usher in colder weather. They invite us to reveal what’s been hidden. I’m not exactly a “nature girl,” but I do love crunching through the woods in autumn. The trees put on a show, finally displaying the brilliant colors they’ve kept tucked away all summer. Their leaves, masked in green for the sake of function, have done their job—chlorophyll working hard to feed the tree. But now, that green coat is shed. The leaves are free to show their true colors: red, yellow, orange. And it’s breathtaking. Once they’ve revealed what was hidden, the leaves become truly free. No longer bound by duty, they take to the wind—floating wherever the breeze carries th...