Why We Freeze: The Hidden Third Response to Threat

 Walking down the hall one night, I caught movement in the shadows of the dark living room. I thought I was alone. I froze.

Ten seconds passed. Nothing moved. I relaxed and took a step—then saw it again. Movement. I froze once more.

This pattern repeated: relax, movement, freeze. Until finally, someone stepped into the light.

It was my sister, coming downstairs for a drink.

We both laughed afterward, but the moment was revealing. Why did she move so strangely? Why did I freeze so completely?

Turns out, she was reacting to me. When she saw the look on my face—wide-eyed, frozen—it scared her. So she froze. Then when I relaxed, she started moving again… only to see me freeze once more, which made her freeze again. We were mirroring each other’s fear, locked in a loop of mutual hesitation.

🧠 Beyond Fight or Flight: The Freeze Response and Mindset Theory

Most people are familiar with the “fight or flight” response when facing perceived danger. These reactions stem from the Survival-Based Mindset—a state where the body takes swift, instinctive physical action to eliminate a threat, often bypassing deeper thought.

But what about those of us who freeze?

Freezing is often overlooked, yet it’s a valid and powerful response to stress. It’s not about indecision—it’s about being neurologically overwhelmed. And for many neurodivergent individuals, especially those with autistic traits, freezing isn’t just a momentary pause. It’s a reflection of being stuck in the Knowledge-Based Mindset when the situation calls for survival instincts.

🌀 When Knowledge Mindset Overrides Instinct

In my books, I explore how not everyone switches easily between mindsets. Autistic individuals often remain in the Knowledge-Based Mindset even under stress—analyzing, overthinking, and mentally processing instead of reacting physically.

I’ve seen this firsthand in my own family. My husband, children, and I all display autistic traits. In moments of shock or danger, we don’t always shift into fight or flight. Instead, we may go deeper into thought—showing even more strong Knowledge-based Mindset traits --sometimes becoming emotionally numb or physically frozen. It’s the opposite of what most people expect.

This doesn’t mean freezing equals neurodivergence. Many people freeze occasionally. But if you find yourself always in the Knowledge-Based Mindset—especially in situations that demand quick, instinctive physical action—it may be worth exploring further. Autistic individuals often report needing to consciously think through the physical aspects of communication: eye contact, facial expressions, gestures. What comes naturally to others in the Survival-Based mindset requires deliberate effort when in the Knowledge-Based Mindset.

🔍 A Mirror Moment

That night in the hallway was more than a funny misunderstanding. It was a mirror—showing how mindset shapes behavior, even in split seconds. My sister and I weren’t just reacting to shadows. We were reacting to each other’s mindset signals.

Understanding these patterns helps us build emotional safety, especially in neurodiverse families and communities. It’s not about fixing responses—it’s about recognizing them, respecting them, and learning how to shift when needed.

If this post resonated with you, consider subscribing to the blog so you won’t miss future reflections, insights, and mindset tools. Let’s keep growing together.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

🍽️ You’re Not Yourself When You’re Hungry: How Physical Needs Trigger Mindset Shifts

Image
We’ve all heard the phrase “You’re not yourself when you’re hungry.” It’s often said with a laugh, but it holds a deeper truth—one that The Theory of Mindsets (TOM) helps illuminate. 🔥 Hunger and the Survival-Based Mindset When a basic physical need like hunger isn’t met, our brain shifts into a Survival-Based Mindset . This state is designed to protect us—it heightens irritability, impatience, and reduces empathy. Social niceties fall away because the brain is focused on one thing: resolving the threat. Even a mild discomfort like hunger can trigger this shift, making us short-tempered or emotionally reactive. 🍲 The Shift After a Meal But here’s the fascinating part— mindsets can shift as quickly as our blood sugar rises . Once we’ve eaten, the discomfort fades and our brain chemistry recalibrates. We often return to a Balanced Mindset , where empathy, patience, and social awareness are restored. Sometimes, especially after a large meal, we drift even further—into the Knowle...
Read more

Welcome to Mindset in Motion

Image
Where emotional intelligence meets practical psychology—and self-awareness becomes a daily practice. For decades, I’ve studied human behavior—not just through books and theories, but through lived experience and the quiet observations that come from being deeply curious about people. I’ve asked questions like: Why do we react the way we do? Why do some patterns repeat, even when we want change? And how can we understand ourselves without judgment, but with clarity? This blog is an extension of that journey. It’s a space for exploring the Theory of Mindsets (TOM) —a framework I developed to help decode behavior, improve communication, and foster emotional resilience as described in the book  Predicting Human Behavior. Whether you’re navigating relationships, parenting, leadership, or your own inner world, my goal is to offer tools that are both accessible and emotionally resonant. Here, you’ll find: ✍️ Reflections on mindset theory and emotional intelligence 📘 Companion re...
Read more

The Mindset of Overwhelm: Why We Shut Down, Spiral, or Stay Steady

Image
Overwhelm isn’t a personal failure. It’s a state — a moment when the demands on us exceed the capacity within us. And in that moment, our nervous system shifts. Our thinking shifts. Our communication shifts. Our entire way of interpreting the world shifts. Overwhelm doesn’t just make us feel stressed. It changes which mindset we’re operating from . Understanding this is the key to navigating overwhelm with more clarity and far less shame. Why Overwhelm Happens Overwhelm is what happens when: there’s too much input too many decisions too many expectations too little time, space, or support It’s the nervous system saying, “I can’t hold all of this at once.” And because each mindset has different priorities and fears, each one experiences overwhelm in its own distinct way. Overwhelm in the Survival‑Based Mindset How it feels Overwhelm hits like a wave: sudden, consuming, and urgent. Everything feels like “too much” all at once. Common behaviors snapping or withdrawi...
Read more